Sometimes you get what you don’t ask for

August 31st, 2008 by V

Hmm. So I was ready to have my brand new B.S. degree in Computer Science be my ticket to boredom and a means to an end.

I was going to school. I enjoy programming, and learning all about these here computers most of us use more often than we’d like.

I began teaching myself around 1999 starting with audio editing software. Then moved on toward testing audio software professionally.
That is where I noticed all the possibilities of being on the other side of software: Making the tools.

Then I began teaching myself some basics in programming when I realized it would be really nice having an I.V. of CS knowledge injected into my brain, so I went back to school. I never thought I would. But after a few years of having a BA in Psychology under my belt and never using it officially (other than a notch in my resume), I went back to school in a completely different field (pretty much, that is).

I basically started over, less some general ed classes. My first two years were spent at Cabrillo College a local community college. After completing all of the required lower division CS courses and higher level math classes, I transferred to UC Santa Cruz.

Just as I was about to begin my final two years there my mother passed away in an unexpected auto collision. It was my first day of school that I found out. September 21st 2006. Which also happens to be the International Day of Peace.

I dropped school to be in her home town of Sedona, AZ to help with everything involved in dealing with a death. Strange how we all die at some point yet there isn’t some sort of educational infrastructure to aid in dealing with this stuff (funeral, probate, taxes, liabilities, and of course grieving).

I took that first quarter off of my transfer to the UC but after 2 months of grieving and dealing with everything I realized I needed to make sure to go back to school. There was so much to do with the estate matters, to where I could have been justified in continuing to manage things there but then what would my life have become?
She would definitely not want me or anyone to to put their life on hold indefinitely…

So I started up my schooling again a quarter later than expected.

[Insert school life here.....wheew. Study. Up all night. Tired. Keep pushing. Epiphanies, frustrations, accomplishment.]

Now cut to graduation.

5 quarters later (yes I was able to complete all the requirements in 1 and 2/3 years vs the allotted 2 year or 6 quarters. Not because I’m a super genius, altho I’d like to let you assume so, but mostly because I only had upper division CS classes and 2 higher level math classes to take). It was definitely challenging. Stacking 3 upper division sciences is pretty stressful, but here I am.

So what is the title of this entry all about?
Well I was ready to get a job in the city (SF bay area), but I was also ready to have that job be some boring, unfulfilling means to financial stability. With the only price being my time…and emotional well-being.

BUT then something amazing has happened. I found a job and working environment which gives the required/desired income AND I like what I am doing. I like who I work with. I like the direction things are going. And I like where I am.

So anytime someone says, you need to ask for what you want in order to get it.. Remember that even if you are resigned to accepting something you may not fully want, sometimes something else may stare you right in the face that exceeds your expectations.

I guess the trick is to notice and realize and not look beyond it; what appears in life may actually be better than what was planned or expected.
Maybe, just maybe you can have your cake, icing, and eat it too…and still have enough left over for a food fight.

 

AZ

August 2nd, 2008 by V

On my way back from a little Arizona excursion. 

The goal before the trip was to have a vacation, and yet again most of my time there was spent working.

Fortunately tho, 3 of 8 days did involve doing nothing productive (in a to-do list sort of way). Next time I hope to flip that ratio.

 

Vegas was a money pit as usual.

Sedona is beautiful as always. 

And the Hopi reservation was a worthwhile experience, altho I think I am still assimilating my time there.

 

Other than really wanting to have a vacation, I had high hopes of this trip to Hopi land in northeast arizona. It’s in the middle of Navajo territory. 

>>My apologies for the tone of this entry so far. I sound like I am writing a diary entry for my 4th grade friends to read.<<

 

Anyway, Enough with a semi linear summary. That is boring anyway.

 

Me and a couple friends and a couple new friends headed up for a day  trip. We had to cut thru Navajo country to get to the second mesa where the last Kachina dance of the season was taking place. 

Hopi natives have an open space for ‘the white man’ to visit and be included in their traditions. Their prophesies state that the white man will come to them at some point for some sort of larger unification. 

 

We were there a group of 5 white tourists. 

We were clearly the minority. I noticed and sort of enjoyed feeling out of place; a spectacle; one who was being stereotyped by the color of my skin. Is this how a native feels in white-centric culturally-monotonic Santa Cruz, CA?

 

Is this how any minority feels? Or is this what many minorities have long habituated to and don’t notice much anymore?

 

 

There are a few areas I could go with this topic: 

1. I am curious about preserving Native American cultural identity.

2. I am also interested in helping to strengthen the native community in relation to US policies/politics.

 

3. What did I learn? What are my insights? 

 

This whole post is an attempt to describe my insights, so we can consider this entire entry labeled 3.

 

1.This area has been addressed for many years. Internally and externally. Natives continuing to perform rituals, and pass on traditions & customs is happening and out of my hands as an outsider.

 

2. This area is of interest and seems like I can actually make an impact.

 

My conclusion: 

More purposeful assimilation*, education, and training in United States established institutions is needed to more fully empower natives living partially in our culture already.

 

This sounds evil to me. Am I finally giving in to the conquering perspective? This is difficult to articulate but I’ll try.

 

The damage* is done. The Natives were wearing woven clothing, mass produced shoes, 2pac t-shirts. The ceremonial garb was made with what appeared to be store-bought bright blue leather.

Now I sound like I’m tearing down what is. 

I guess was stuck in an ancient view of how the culture was and I assumed it would be more intact. 

 

If 

they are using our currency, cellphone technology, wireless internet, websites, cars, gas fuel, mobile homes, cement, etc.

Then

they might as well be fully trained and strengthened in those technological ways.

 

They? 

Us? 

blah. 

I’m trying to be inclusive. 

 

 

My thesis is something like: 

If a culture has been disrupted and damaged to a point of barely sustaining itself, 

Then maybe the best way to aid that culture to be fully strengthened & functional is by providing all the education, tools and training known by the conquering* culture.

 

This is teaching the victims* the enemies tricks, while allowing the victims to retain their way of life as much as desired. 

Then over time, the hope is that business people, attorneys, contractors, etc. will exists who can then support the native perspective and heritage. 

 

Yes, the culture will be a hybrid. The culture is a hybrid already. Imagine a Native American architect who has strong ties to her ancestors. Or an native attorney who knows law inside and out and who defends and supports native land, spiritual and political rights. 

Or native graphic designers who spends their time creating 3D renderings of ancient native stories. 

Or a game designer who makes a game that honors a traditional spiritual ceremony and hunt….

 

Yes this is happening, by natives and empathetic people already.

I guess I am looking toward an ideal future where. We have given a group of people whose culture ‘we’ have damaged/disrupted/tainted* the ability to fully represent themselves and command the justice and equal legal and social treatment deserved. 

 

 

The land will not be given back. 

But the tools to make money to buy the land back will be. 

The buffalo will not be resurrected. 

But the ability to raise them and bring back a healthy population is possible. 

 

 

I realize this is all so polar. The very nature of the untainted native american culture is the absence of technology, wires, electricity, formal schooling, typing on keyboards, etc. 

How far back do we go before things are considered pure? The acquasition and integration of external tools has been happening continually. 

 

Now how can we make the best of the current situation?

 

My middle school & high school anarchist-self cringes as the sound of these words but it make sense: Education is the key. 

Take away all the negative connotations in the word ‘education’ and think of it in its ideal form. It represents giving individuals the ability to think freely, and to act according to the will of that free mind. 

 

Yes, I realize I am an outsider. This is coming from a conquering* european descendant’s perspective.  No one can make anyone do this. 

But I can offer these ideas in hopes that it may also make sense to someone who has endured being marginalized by the surrounding culture.

 

===========

And another thing!

 

As open to all walks of life as I like to think I am. I too have some cultural biases. 

Let us remember that the north pole to the southern tip of Argentina was settled by various European nations and all of those cultures in their own unique way, obtrusively damaged the native cultures. Northern American Natives, Central American Natives, South American Natives. 

 

This thought has passed through my mind before but never with this much clarity: 

Mexican people are of native descent.

Columbians, Argentineans, Peruvians, etc all have people of varying amounts of native blood. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indigenous_peoples_of_the_Americas)

I now more clearly see our Mexican American friends and neighbors are Native Americans who lived just a little further south, and were entwined with another invading country.

 

—–

I can now conclude by saying we are all humans who have histories of being invaded and invading on large and small scales. 

Let go of the past, know we are equals and be present with our concerns. 

 

That is exactly what this note attempts to address, actually:

What can one do now to bring us all closer to equal footing, where the only limitation is our own will?

 

 

 

 

 

============

* Disclaimer of some words used

assimilated: absorb and integrate (people, ideas, or culture) into a wider society or culture

damaged, crippled, conquering, victim

 

Which words to use? Saying Native American can be seen as offensive by some. Instead of listing many alternatives or making up a new word without any preconceived potentially negative connotations, I have chosen Native American.

Words like conquer, damaged, cripple are also words chosen to quickly describe a negative event or series of events which have led to a less than ideal state for a group of people. Instead of writing lengthy phrases, I have chosen to say simple single word labels in order to proceed with the larger movement of these thoughts.

Well it’s been a long day

July 15th, 2008 by V

I should be sleeping. I must say posting to this site regularly takes
a conscious effort. I have some reminders auto-emailed every other
day, just to keep me thinking about posting. And so far I don’t have
much to say.

I spent a lot of time in the years past, pouring out just about
everything that came to mind.
I had this strange compulsion/obsession to share my thoughts no matter
what they were, with no matter to how meaningless and as spontaneous
as possible. The more raw the better.
Then, something else happened.

I realized I was a slave to my own creative vision. It took a lot of
work and time in editing, refining, tweaking, tuning, and publishing
those ideas. The point was to continually express honestly, and freely
A LOT, but it turned out most of my time was spent calculating and
sculpting very few moments of spontaneity.

So now what? This site is not really an art site. Not really a
business site. I’m not sure what it is. Oh yeah, it’s my Vanity site–
for being wholesome. AND I promise to not write out of obligation.
Those reminders I send are taken as that. Just little nudges to say,
‘hey have you said anything over there lately? If not go for it’


I can be idealistic by saying I stopped recording events and turned my
day-to-day life into one big continuous living breathing spontaneous
work of art. The improv take is still going on. There hasn’t been a
break to hit rewind and review what just happened; the next moments
might top the last. So the camera keeps rolling, the pen keep
scribbling, the keys keep clicking, the sticks keep pounding, the pick
keeps strumming…..

and you can say that about your life. :)

Unfort 160 char limit so

June 29th, 2008 by Vtext

Unfort 160 char limit so i may b vague here via sms. the key point: from anywhere anytime any impulse…i can be posted ez as text

So I finally set up

June 29th, 2008 by Vtext

So I finally set up texts and email to directly post here. As u may know i obsessed on blogging b4 it was standardized. Again 2008

From email?

June 29th, 2008 by V

If so my new default blog interface is my email client.

from phone

June 29th, 2008 by Vtext

from phone

Crazy post from email!!!!!!!!!

June 29th, 2008 by admin

crazy body

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